I despised this routine of mine called “Everyday Life”. It was stagnant, unmoving. Every day was the same. But if such was the case, then aren’t the days I spent in this routine merely a shadow of the first day? So I say, being deep in philosophical thoughts early Monday morning.
Mondays always brought that melancholic feeling to many, being the day after Sunday. Of course, that didn’t include those who worked on Sundays, but that wasn’t the point.
The point was, I was tired of this routine.
Here I was, slouching as I walk, towards the university that I went. The university road, usually used by cars on busier days, were filled with university students walking merrily together. They laughed, they smiled. Such a sickening scene.
I sneered at them at the deepest parts of my heart. Happy? Why on earth were they happy? It’s Monday! You guys should be mourning this morning! Yet here they were, laughing as if it was the last day they could.
Yes, I know. I, for some reason unknown to me, know.
It was different for them. For them, Monday was a happy occasion, where they could see their friends once more and tell the stories they wanted to share (unless they hang out on weekends– then truly my fears could be realized). They could laugh merrily because they had friends who would listen to them. But if you laughed on your own, then you’d be subjected the people’s prejudice. I mean, it’s okay to remember funny thoughts all by yourself, no?
In my experience, no.
I composed myself, adjusted my sling bag, and carried on with my walk. I did my best to ignore the “Happy Happy” atmosphere everybody else emitted.
As part of the frozen time I conveniently called routine, I never fail to leave some time before the class starts (Unless I’m “sick”) for the sole purpose of browsing the internet. I sat in front of a computer free from prying eyes (one at the very edge where rarely anyone visits), and placed my sling bag at the corner.
Mostly everyone loved to exaggerate the phenomenon called friendship. Looking at it objectively, friendship was simply interactions between individuals, sharing, clashing and compromising their ideals. As long as interaction was possible, then so was friendship.
So please don’t mistake me as a friendless scrooge, I had my share of friends too.
At the internet, at least.
I sighed once more, as I recalled back to the students at the university road, and their laugher and cheers. Friends, huh? People instinctively fear the unknown, scared that it may hurt us. This was normal for every human, and thus was the same for me. Friendship, or rather, meeting new people was my problem
When interacting with others, one was sure to hurt the other party. This was all thanks to our individuality, our difference in ideals, that when we force our ideals into each other, friction is sure to occur. If so, then who would just willingly talk with unknown people without any wishing for any compensation? Everyone was scared to get hurt, so I’m just doing my part to prevent that.
Wait, if that was the case, then aren’t I the most considerate person in the planet? No need to thank me, citizen, just doing my job.
I smiled wryly, and left the computer alone.
I resumed my slouching position, eyes downcast, and walked along the noise-filled hallway. I will never understand this friendship thing, not even in a million years. I repeated that mantra to myself, fearing that my true wishes would flow out of my eyes.
“Hey!” a shrill voice could be heard at the end of the hall.
I ignored it, thinking it was just another one of those hijinks at the hallway. Heh, who would even call for me in this congested place? I continued walking against the tide of students, sure to forget this moment. Until the voice became clearer.
I took a peek just to make sure (it wasn’t like I was expecting anything, really), and what I saw surprised me. It was a girl with lovely straight blonde hair, waving back at me. In her hand was my sling bag, probably left back at the computer lab. She did her best to close her distance to me, despite the waves of people that blocked the way.
And at that moment, I realized something important.
Humans are scared of the unknown, scared to get hurt. But what if, just what if, despite that fact, we still bravely go around and connect with others? As we go along with life, the people who we meet, talk to, and become friends with mold our very own ideals in a way we could never think of? By sharing our feelings, we begin to see worlds that we never knew existed. And as we interact with other individuals, we begin to grow as a person.
I see. Without friends, this world of ours would simply be a stagnant world, devoid of colors. A world frozen in time… a world just like mine.
Was this the solution? Was this the way to break free from this dull and meaningless cycle?
I had to take it, the first step I mean. I had to have the strength to walk past the unknown. I had to cast my fears away, and believe in a future.
A future with a smile and rainbows.
“Oh, th-thanks for the–“
“Hey Robert, look what I found!”
The girl I once though was my savior quickly brushed pass by me without any reservation, heading to some guy closely behind me.
“Hey darling, look what I found!” the wretched creature boasted, flaunting my precious sling bag at his face. The guy smiled at her in return, a smile which I was sure filled with the deepest of evils.
“Well baby, why don’t we turn it over to the lost and found corner?” the evil thing replied, dripping with evil intensions.
They both left the scene, their flirting could be heard from miles.
I stood there in the middle of the hallway frozen, just like my boring everyday life. After a minute of unbearable silence, I smiled at the most creepy way imaginable.
“Friendship? Hah! A phenomenon only acknowledged by fools who care only about themselves! Growing up? I could have the same interactions with myself! Ha… HA HA HA!”
I burst into maniacal laughter, and the once crowded hallway now gave me the space I so verily deserve (ignoring the ‘what a creep’ comments everywhere).
And thus, as I looked deep into my very soul, a steel resolve was born, never to waver. I shall continue to walk this glorified path from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health; from this day forward until a “friend” arrives.
Such was the creed I told myself, a creed only the lowest of lows can make.
Such was the life of the loner.
What I could not understand at that time was why my eyes became so blurry all of a sudden.
Wow I haven’t written for a while now. Forgive me for that. Anyways, what are your thoughts on this story? Will it end here? Who knows?